January 22, 2011

We’ve Moved!

If you didn’t already know…this blog has now become it’s very own .com site.  In other words, I paid for a subscription! 😉

You can find the NEW site at: www.thedertythirty.com



December 12, 2010

The Art of Seduction.


The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene (Author's website: http://www.seductionbook.com)

Last week one of my coworkers recommended a book that she has been reading.

The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene

I bought it at Borders and I cannot put it down.  I love it!  I’ll post a review on it once I’m finished reading it.

Go get it!!  I highly recommend it!


December 9, 2010

Bad Sex.

desireA dating question…

Why is it whenever we (women) get pissed off with a potential lover (someone we merely dated for a short time or even perhaps a few months), we always say:
“Well at least I didn’t sleep with him (or her) because then I’d be really mad!!”

Question Mark?

I’ve been guilty of exclaiming this many times, but I’ve come to find that it really doesn’t matter if I had sex with the person or not, I still feel just as hurt and/or upset with the person I’m mad at whether I’ve had sex with him or not.

So why do women say this?  What does it mean?

I’m pretty sure when a man stops seeing a woman they don’t tell their boys, “Well at least I didn’t sleep with her because then I’d be really mad!”


Is it that with women sex equates some form of emotional attachment?  Do we feel slighted when one “breaks up” with us after we’ve been intimately involved?  Is it some form of humiliation?

Because either way (sex or no sex) I still feel the exact same.  I still feel terribly mad and quite hurt or slighted in some way.

It’s like when a woman announces to friends and strangers “at least I didn’t sleep with him” after a break up she’s really saying:
“No one can pass judgment on me because I didn’t have sex with my former lover.”
“I don’t need to feel violated or slighted in any way because I didn’t have sex with the person.”
“You don’t have to pity me because I didn’t have sex with him (or her).”
“Thank God I didn’t have sex with him (or her) so now people won’t think bad things about me and start ugly rumors about me.”

Men do not have to go through this ordeal.  And if they do, it isn’t heard of, they simply keep it to themselves, I’m sure.

And something else I’ve noticed, in terms of sex:
why is it when a man has unattached sex this is viewed as acceptable? A man simply being a man.  This is his nature because he is a man and men are deemed as being the dominant sexual being.

But when a woman can have sex without feeling, simply separate feelings from sex this is unheard of; she is seen as a whore or promiscuous woman? 

Women are told:
— “you cannot have sex without feelings.  You cannot separate feelings from sex.  You just cannot!  If you do, then there’s something wrong with you!  Maybe you’ve been abused as a child.  Maybe you have some commitment issues.  Perhaps you are scared of love or secretly harboring hurt feelings from a previous relationship.  It must be that you are acting out, you know, acting out of pain because someone must have hurt you terribly.”

No, no, no!

I am none of these things!  I want to have sex because I choose to.  I am not harboring anything but feeling in the mood! 

But let me be ever so frank, and someone is so quick to label me as promiscuous or a poor soul who is dealing with great pain.

Or my favorite: scarred from my father’s abandonment.

Gimme a break! Get the fuck outta here (GTFOH)!

Let a man have sex just because he’s in the mood and let him sow his seed. Let him cave in to his desires because he is a MAN and this is just seen as this is what men do.  Let a man be a man.

A woman should be frigid or simply save herself for her husband.  No humping around. God forbid a woman indulges in pleasure (responsibly of course) just to get her rocks off because then we all know what that means: she’s an ungodly whore.  Tainted and shouldn’t be touched by a “genuine” man.

Ridiculous notions!

I am an adult, 30 years old. 

 Better yet, I am a consenting adult.  No one talks me into anything or fools me to drop my knickers.  I choose to have sex simply because I WANT TO *gasp* and if I choose to have sex for the mere pleasure, it doesn’t make me any less of a person than it does a man.

My ability to separate my feelings from sex doesn’t mean I’m harboring any feelings from a dysfunctional past and it certainly doesn’t make me dysfunctional in any way.  I am not secretly hurting on the inside.  This will not catch up with me one day and when I find my “one true love” I will not look back and regret any of this.

What works for one may not be suitable for another, but I certainly will not live my life in worry and turmoil all because another cannot do what I can. 

And I will not feel bad, nor will I apologize for being simply who I am.

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